Is it tolerable to crac-crac at daddy-mommy? Should parents accept it? Can young people allow themselves? And, last but not least, what rules to put in place? Sexuality in the Family Home: Investigation.
Entry into working life later, difficulties in finding a first job and finding housing on a tight budget … many young people today find themselves living with their parents. How can they have a fulfilling private life? Should parents accept that their teens or young adults have sex under their roof? Expert advice and advice from the pros.
“At the parents’ place” is also at their place!
As Hugo Naudet, psychiatrist reminds us: “Etymologically the family is those who live under the same roof and not the nuclear family as we understand it today. In human history, having sex at home has only been a problem for 50 years. ”
This is confirmed by Isabelle Maradan, a sparkling, very open mother: “As long as it’s not in the living room! I don’t see where the problem would be if it was done with the same discretion that we tried to have with them. With parents, it is at home too! Where else would they go? Apart from the car plan – you still have to have the license and live in the countryside – I don’t see clearly … ”
Many parents share this position: sexuality is part of life like eating, sleeping, or any other activity that is done at home naturally. They consider that their children have sex at home, even before having sex. It is a matter of the intimacy of “home”, of their home in the house. It is not because sexuality opens up to the other that this has to change.
Alix, 25, fully agrees: “It never bothered me to bring my boyfriends back to my parents, still happy! It might be hippie to say that, but with us sex is part of life just like food. As long as you consume in moderation, all is well. ”
A default situation
All young people would undoubtedly prefer to have a home to copulate in peace, but in reality they do not have much choice. If they are still studying, they can’t afford much, and if they have a job but still live with their parents, it’s not to pay for a hotel every time they want to hug. Let us not forget that this generation is also very affected by the crisis.
“In fact, it is a whole organization to frolic in peace. And sometimes it messes up… Once, my brother showed up unexpectedly, he was coming home from college, he had forgotten his keys, he sounded like crazy. In the middle of the act, I had to go and open it in a terrible state, the hair loose and the nightie upside down. In short, he broke us. I was embarrassed, ”says Sabine.
What Stuart confirms: “My mother didn’t like it at all. Suddenly, she kept breaking my plans and shaming me by shouting at me and inevitably, it broke the atmosphere. ”
The ban trap
As Hugo Naudet mentions:
“It is extremely illusory to think that we can prohibit or allow sex in the home. And if the ban is exciting, the temptation will be all the stronger as sex is not tolerated at home. Besides, it would be quite unfair to forbid young people to have sex at home, since parents allow themselves to do so, right? ”
There is the question : why could parents impose something on their children that they themselves do not respect? In addition, it is not because we authorize that it will be done necessarily and even less that it will be the orgy every night.
A question of communication above all between parents and child
Our psychiatrist insists: “The refusal of dialogue is non-educational. What is important is to be able to talk about it between generations. Everything is played out in the relationships between them, in intergenerational transmission. ”
In short, as with any other subject, dialogue and discussion are the foundations of a successful education. “We are very open on the issue with my parents, we talk about it very frankly,” says Alix, who often shares her bed with her lover and even invites him to family lunches. Who said it was complicated?
The importance of age and seriousness in a romantic relationship
The age parameter must however be taken into account. Indeed, we remind you: the sexual majority in France, it’s 15 years old. “I wanted to be in phase with the law, notes Cynthia, mother of a 17-year-old. I would not have tolerated it for 15 years, because I would have found it a little strange not to be a minimum of compliance with the laws. ”
That said, no need to worry, because, we also remind you: the average age of first intercourse tends to increase rather than decrease (he is now 16 years old). Young people make love later and less than their elders. Finally, parents prefer to see lovers rather than overnight conquests. We understand them!
Parents’ sexuality of young people: where, when, how?
To summarize, here is a note for young people with some rules to follow.
Where to make love? In his room so as not to take the risk of being surprised.
When to have sex Ideally in the absence of parents, again for avoid any bad surprises. This implies studying your parents’ schedule well: “At night, when you bring someone home, you have to get up quite late the next morning (or very early), take your breakfast to check. who is in the house and go back to bed to signal that the way is clear, ”says Sabine, who was lucky enough to have an early riser mother, who often disappeared from the family home at 8:30 am.
Prefer the weekends and not too late: well yes, there is school / work during the week, no? And your parents have a life too.
With whom ? With lovers, their seriousness : “I only brought home my regular friends. The one night stand, the only time it happened, my mother couldn’t digest it. ”
How? ‘Or’ What ? In all discretion : show decency to spare them a little. No one wants to hear your junk. So we don’t scream and we make ourselves small. To do this, Yann had developed a formidable technique: he put his mattress on the floor to avoid bed squeaks as loud as they are annoying.
What if the parents don’t agree? There is always the option good.one buddy.Girlfriend and the policy of the ostrich: pretend you are friends.ies. But frankly, it’s a bit like taking the parents for hams. And, as the idea is not to go to the clash, we can only wish you to succeed find a compromise with your parents or some other place to love you.
As to parents, do not forget either that while there is a very intense and frequent relationship that your children have at home (and elsewhere for that matter), it is more with their cell phones than with their lovers. It would therefore be a shame to deprive them of carnal relationships that they lack.